quotes from the street

friend #1 “that’s a low blow”
friend #2 “your mom gave me a low blow”
friend #1″that’s because she’s in a wheelchair you asshole!”
overheard: Santa Rosa, California
context: joke that went slightly pear shaped

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“you speak in deliberate riddles, intended to elicit the correct response – i have have been vaccinated against this – i am immune!”
overheard: London, UK
context: guy to girl in response to a typically elusive woman-like statement

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“pigeons are stupid because they poop on the ground and people have to clean it up and my teachers have to help clean it up so we are all alone in the classroom – good lord! – that did not really happen, i made it up”
overheard: New York, New York
context: a five year old to [...]

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“he told me loads of stuff about his ex and it proper freaked me out, i mean, it was proper freaky”
overheard: Gatwick Airport, London
context: two pret a manger employees talking whilst changing the bin liners

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“it would drive me mental having ten thousand fuckwits knowing what i’m doing”
overheard: London, UK
context: drunk aussie in chelsea pub talking about twitter

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“oh i know, it’s on my shopping list – new husband, husband number two, in between my coffee and weetabix”
overheard: Virgin Active Chelsea, London
context: woman to her friend in the change room  after she was not so subtly told to move on

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“have you thought to yourself – i really hope she goes back to normal size after?”
overheard: Starbucks, London
context: one professional asking the other about his pregnant wife in a morning coffee meeting

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“you’re not a smarty pants, but you’re not entirely daft either”
overheard: London, UK
context: a father to his daughter

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daughter: “dad, you’re like one of those saddos who thinks he can still club – you probably think everyone’s admiring your good moves but they’re all just staring at your receding hairline!”
mum from the background: “laurie, we looked verrrry trendy!”
daughter: “mum! you wore leggings from tesco under a DvF dress – ahhh, i need a [...]

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“just be yourself, everyone else is taken”
overheard: Geneva, Switzerland
context: an uncle’s advice to his niece (quote: oscar wilde)

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“the thing is love – a condom is a sub-standard option”
overheard: London, UK
context: an account director briefing in his female colleague on a sexual health campaign

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colleague #1 “he’s everything i want to be”
colleague #2 “so why don’t you just be that?”
colleague #1 “nah, i’m just not into mimicry”
overheard: London, UK
context: one colleague to the other
 

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“canadian’s is really nice – they’re like americans with manners”
overheard: London, UK
context: cab driver to canadian girl upon finding out where she was from

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“hold my hand or else someone will steal you, ship you to china and cut off all your hair”
overheard: Queen and Spadina, Toronto
context: father to his five year old daughter

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“he goes to anyone who gives him attention … just like men really”
overheard: tube district line, london
context: twenty something girl talking about her dog

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“omigod, since i uploaded all these files, this computer’s got really heavy!”
overheard: Leeds, UK
context: girl enthusiatically declaring her theory as to why her computer seemed heavier than usual

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teenager #1: “i don’t know if i should put this on my parent’s card”
teenager #2: “dude, this is life lesson #1 – your parents are like money trees, you just gotta pluck ‘em”
overheard: geneva, switzerland
context: one friend offering up his philosophy on spending his parent’s money

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catholic dinner host: “what would y’all like for dinner?”
jewish dinner guest: “pork belly!”
catholic dinner host: “pork? hmm, ok – interesting choice”
jewish dinner guest: “ya well, are you a virgin?”
overheard: El Paso, Texas
context: cheeky exchange between friends whilst deciding the menu for a dinner party

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“if i’m honest? … i wouldn’t have hired me”
overheard: train to Peterborough from London
context: a guy rather matter-of-factly explaining his recent miss on the job front

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“my underwear is arranged by the sexiness of it, followed by the brand and then the occasion followed by the casualty of it”
overheard: the pembroke, london
context: rather hot blonde describing her knicker drawer to dinner table of six

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