“no, because you haf to burn zee fat, ok? you have haf to burn zee fat first, then vee work on zee toning – first vee must get rid of all zee fat, ok?!”

overheard: Virgin Active Chelsea, London

context: a trainer to her rather plump client at a slightly mortifying volume

“don’t worry about process, let’s just focus on alcohol”

overheard: on the Fulham rd., London, UK

context: two 20 somethings on what i suspect to be a first and last date

father: “i don’t come here as an act of charity, i come here for food and drink”

daughter: “dad, you’re embarrassing me, don’t be rude to the server!”

father: “i’ll have you know i’m impeccably polite to service people, i just dislike incompetence”

overheard: Sliemma, Malta

context: father’s response to daughter after being reprimanded for shouting at the server

“oh i know, but anyways, it’s so middle class to have neighbors, I certainly don’t intend on having them forever”

overheard: Chelsea, London

context: a banker’s response to his friend’s story of being harassed by the man across the street

guy #1: “in the Britney/Christina whore-off, the Dirrty video was like Hiroshima”

guy#2: “so does that make Nagasaki the ‘Oooops i did it again’ of international conflict?”

overheard: Cambridge University, England

context: two gay guys walking through Newnham College (an all-girls college), wishing they lived there

“it’s because they don’t use cynicism as a tool for power – which is something the english do so well”

overheard: train from southampton to london

context: an english girl describing what she loves about Americans

“ya, um, sorry – it’s just that i totally don’t believe in the whole ’save the environment’ thing”

overheard: London, UK

context: an office manager to staff in regards to printing less paper

“i’ll learn to speak chinese before i learn to speak woman”

overheard: The Wellington, London

context: one twenty something guy to a girl

five year old: “daaaaad….”

father: “yes choppy?”

five year old: “you know when you’re head grows, does your brain get bigger by magic?”

overheard: Rickmansworth, London

context: five year old to his father

“you must be very careful when you cuddle an octopus, or it might keep you”

location: Rickmansworth, London

context: a five year old’s insight whilst watching a wildlife programme on the BBC