quotes from the street

“no, because you haf to burn zee fat, ok? you have haf to burn zee fat first, then vee work on zee toning – first vee must get rid of all zee fat, ok?!”
overheard: Virgin Active Chelsea, London
context: a trainer to her rather plump client at a slightly mortifying volume

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“don’t worry about process, let’s just focus on alcohol”
overheard: on the Fulham rd., London, UK
context: two 20 somethings on what i suspect to be a first and last date

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father: “i don’t come here as an act of charity, i come here for food and drink”
daughter: “dad, you’re embarrassing me, don’t be rude to the server!”
father: “i’ll have you know i’m impeccably polite to service people, i just dislike incompetence”
overheard: Sliemma, Malta
context: father’s response to daughter after being reprimanded for shouting at the server

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“oh i know, but anyways, it’s so middle class to have neighbors, I certainly don’t intend on having them forever”
overheard: Chelsea, London
context: a banker’s response to his friend’s story of being harassed by the man across the street

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guy #1: “in the Britney/Christina whore-off, the Dirrty video was like Hiroshima”
guy#2: “so does that make Nagasaki the ‘Oooops i did it again’ of international conflict?”
overheard: Cambridge University, England
context: two gay guys walking through Newnham College (an all-girls college), wishing they lived there

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“it’s because they don’t use cynicism as a tool for power – which is something the english do so well”
overheard: train from southampton to london
context: an english girl describing what she loves about Americans

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“ya, um, sorry – it’s just that i totally don’t believe in the whole ’save the environment’ thing”
overheard: London, UK
context: an office manager to staff in regards to printing less paper

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“i’ll learn to speak chinese before i learn to speak woman”
overheard: The Wellington, London
context: one twenty something guy to a girl

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five year old: “daaaaad….”
father: “yes choppy?”
five year old: “you know when you’re head grows, does your brain get bigger by magic?”
overheard: Rickmansworth, London
context: five year old to his father

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“you must be very careful when you cuddle an octopus, or it might keep you”
location: Rickmansworth, London
context: a five year old’s insight whilst watching a wildlife programme on the BBC

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“if he´s english, he´s a fucking pirate – he may think i forgot what HE did to MY boat in the 18th century, but i didn´t!”
overheard: Madrid, Spain
context: a spanish guy discussing his feelings toward the english

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girl: “do u think there is life on other planets?”
guy: “probably”
girl: “do u think they have shops?”
overheard: Oxford Circus, London
context: a couple walking and talking whilst doing their christmas shopping

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“i’m eating beef-flavored chicken that tastes like pork. chinese food is a mystery to me”
Location: Needham, Massachusetts
Context: one friend to the other at a chinese restaurant

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“i’m not a chav, get me out of here!”
overheard: Kanaloa, London, UK
context: two bankers exclaimed with urgency upon arriving at a club and realising it wasn’t quite their scene

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“it aint official til its on facebook”
overherad: Toronto, Canada
context: one guy declared to a group of his twenty something friends whilst gossiping about a new couple

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“just because i’ve had his balls in my mouth doesn’t mean i know how to spell his name!”
overheard: Geneva, Switzerland
context: girl to her friend when asked to spell a guy’s name for an invitation to a party

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elderly lady #1: ”god, it’s not great this weather, is it?”
elderly lady #2: “well, it’s better than nothing”
overheard: Hull, UK
context: two elderly women on the bus

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“cheers, to broken hopes  i guess … oh, here, i bought you some posh chocolate by the way”
overheard: Shepard’s Market, London
context: a guy on a first date after divulging a little too much info re: how his father had gambled away his family’s money

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“ramavich, or whatever he’s called – now he has a liner that’s to die for!”
overheard: Holland Park, London
context: a posh elderly couple discussing roman abramovich’s yacht in the park

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“i hate my heart – i’m switching it off and going back to the darkside”
overheard: London, UK
context: a girl to her friend on the tube

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