quotes from the street

“no, because you haf to burn zee fat, ok? you have haf to burn zee fat first, then vee work on zee toning – first vee must get rid of all zee fat, ok?!”

overheard: Virgin Active Chelsea, London

context: a trainer to her rather plump client at a slightly mortifying volume

“don’t worry about process, let’s just focus on alcohol”

overheard: on the Fulham rd., London, UK

context: two 20 somethings on what i suspect to be a first and last date

father: “i don’t come here as an act of charity, i come here for food and drink”

daughter: “dad, you’re embarrassing me, don’t be rude to the server!”

father: “i’ll have you know i’m impeccably polite to service people, i just dislike incompetence”

overheard: Sliemma, Malta

context: father’s response to daughter after being reprimanded for shouting at the server

“you’re about to deliver me a shit sandwich, aren’t you?”

overheard: London, UK

context: an exec to her manager whilst receiving feedback on her work

“oh i know, but anyways, it’s so middle class to have neighbors, I certainly don’t intend on having them forever”

overheard: Chelsea, London

context: a banker’s response to his friend’s story of being harassed by the man across the street

“some people say, “tidy desk, tidy mind.” I say, “fuck off, you patronising fuckpiece. piles of stuff are AWESOME.”

overheard: London, UK

context: one man’s feelings toward his ‘process’

guy #1: “in the Britney/Christina whore-off, the Dirrty video was like Hiroshima”

guy#2: “so does that make Nagasaki the ‘Oooops i did it again’ of international conflict?”

overheard: Cambridge University, England

context: two gay guys walking through Newnham College (an all-girls college), wishing they lived there

“of course, but you know charlotte, the money i make at JP Morgan is merely a drop in the ocean compared to the money my family has”

overheard: Tramp, London

context: a banker courting his evening’s prey

20 something guy #1: “so what do you want to do tonight?”

20 something guy #2: “i dunno, but i wanna do something dirty and i want to get laid”

overheard: Builders Arms, London

context: two twenty something guys discussing their intentions for saturday evening

father #1 : “my kids call me Um”

father #2: “how’s that?”

father #1: “Like, Um, i need some money”

overheard: Valletta, Malta

context: dinner party discussion on how kids talk to their parents

girl: “i’m liking the outfit today, looking good darling ”

guy: “does it look like i’ve just been on holiday? because that’s a look i do quite well”

overheard: king’s rd, london

context: one sloane ranger to the other whilst greeting with a double kiss

englishman #1: “i think that’s what people do”

englishman #2: “what? talk about their emotions?”

overheard: brompton cemetary, london

context: two englishman walking and talking on a sunday afternoon

brazilian: “why don’t you come to Rio with us for carnival”

german: “i’d love to, but i have a girlfriend”

brazilian: “well, take her with you”

german: “why would anyone take a log to the woods?”

overheard: Madrid, Spain

context: German and a Brazilian at a coffee shop

“don’t you fucking walk away from me you wanker!”

overheard: Picadilly Circus, London

context: a rather scary chav to her comparatively shrimpy boyfriend

“it’s because they don’t use cynicism as a tool for power – which is something the english do so well”

overheard: train from southampton to london

context: an english girl describing what she loves about Americans

“there is a broken train in front of us that can’t be moved … so we’ll be here for ages, probably, i think”

overheard: London Underground, London

context: train driver over the intercom to passengers on the district line

“ya, um, sorry – it’s just that i totally don’t believe in the whole ’save the environment’ thing”

overheard: London, UK

context: an office manager to staff in regards to printing less paper

girl: “hi. um, i’m meghan”

guy: “meghan, i’m flattered but i’ve heard enough of your conversation with your friend to know that you’re an idiot”

overheard: Charlotte, North Carolina

context: guy to a girl in a bar after she woefully made an approach

girl 1: “and then i found out he was totally effing someone else!”

girl 2: “omigod, he was f*cking someone else?!”

girl 1: “oh no no, effing, you know, facebooking?!”

overheard: London, UK

context: two girls on the bus discussing their sorted social media affairs

“i’ll learn to speak chinese before i learn to speak woman”

overheard: The Wellington, London

context: one twenty something guy to a girl